God Uses Broken Pieces

    Last summer God gave me a word one night at youth group and recently showed me how to connect that to another experience I've been looking forward to writing about. 

    It was the end of the summer youth group. That night at youth group we were supposed to grab an item that somehow represented our summer. We were outside sitting around a fire in a fire pit. So as the group scattered to find something there that would represent their summer, I walked over to a small pile of broken bricks. I needed to look no further than these as God spoke to my heart about how this simple item represented what He had been doing in my life over the past summer. We gathered back around the fire giggles scattering throughout the crowd as we looked to see what all had been brought. A full-length mirror and different mugs or dishes were among the items that people brought to represent their summer. The leaders just asked people to go as they pleased. They wanted to hear from as many people as possible, but there would not be enough time for everyone to go since there were so many of us. This was a relief to me, because at the time, and even sometimes now, saying anything in front of a group made me nervous and shaky. So, at first, I just listened and enjoyed listening to what other people were saying. Then God started pressing on my heart to speak up. My heart rate immediately sped up. I tried to ignore it or hope that there wouldn't be enough time for me. However, God kept pressing on my heart that He had given me those words for a reason and guided me in choosing a broken brick. Fear pressed in, but God gave me the voice and the courage to speak just before the end. 

    I wish I had written down exactly what those words were but here's what I remember, and I'm trusting God to fill in the blanks. 

    I feel like this past summer God has been showing me a lot of things. The object I chose to represent this summer is this broken brick. There have been so many things that I have gone through in my life that I don't understand why God allowed them or brought me through them. I saw those experiences as broken bricks, not amounting to anything but brokenness and pain. This summer God has been showing me so many of those things that I have called broken bricks, He is turning them into steppingstones. He is using those things that I thought were only a pile of brokenness, to take me further toward the path He has called me to. 

    It has been incredible to watch prayers that I had prayed for years become answered. Things that I thought were just broken beyond repair, God was using to bring my path closer to His throne. God is intentional and in control. He uses everything. 

    Fast forward to this summer. I had been in counseling for nearly a year this time due to anxiety and suicidal thoughts. I had gone through some really dark seasons over those few months and God in His great power and mercy brought me through to the other side. Amid dark spiritual warfare, the devil was daily tempting me to take my life. I had a bottle of pain meds that I used to have to take for nerve pain but didn't have to for several months if not a year. However, there they sat on my nightstand shelf on the off chance that I would need them again. Though I never took any action, nearly every night the devil would tempt me to take a bunch of those pills and just go to sleep. It was exhausting to try and fight every single day. Finally, one day I took the pills to my mom and told her what I was going through. I asked her to deal with the pills because I didn't need them anymore. One thing that God was really emphasizing with me around that time was when getting rid of something in your life, you need to replace it with something else. One scripture that talks about this is Matthew 12:43-45, this scripture specifically talks about demons, but I believe the message can be applied to many things.

    Matthew 12:43-45

    "When the unclean spirit has gone out of a person, it passes through waterless places seeking rest, but finds none. Then it says, 'I will return to my house from which I came.' And when it comes, it finds the house empty, swept, and put in order. Then it goes and brings with it seven other spirits more evil than itself, and they enter and dwell there, and the last state of that person is worse than the first. So also will it be with this evil generation." 

    It was the same with this. God was showing me that getting rid of those pills or trying to fight the dark thoughts in my head, were amazing steps that required His strength to do. However, they were incomplete. I needed more of God's strength to fill the empty spaces left behind. He gave me the idea to clean off the shelf where the pills had been and put my gratitude journal there instead. So, then every night instead of staring at those pills I would be writing down a highlight from my day, somewhere that I had seen God moving, or something I was thankful for. That was a huge step of freedom. 

    There were several steps of freedom and God carried me through every high and low of this storm. Finally, one day I looked up and God had carried me out of the storm to the other side. I felt joy that I hadn't felt in a long time. I was assured at that point that if God could bring me through that storm, then He could bring me through anything. 

    I still wrestle with anxiety and darker thoughts. However, more often now my battles are a little bit shorter because I am more firmly rooted in Truth. I have learned a couple new things in this particular time of wrestling. One thing that my mom mentioned when she has been in times of struggle or thought wrestling, is turning and asking God what He's trying to teach her through this struggle. This struck me because how often do we pray, "Lord take this from me" instead of seeking Him in the midst of it and what He is teaching us through it. Sometimes it is His will that we be instantly freed from whatever struggle we may have. Sometimes, as I have learned from having a paralyzed arm, we have to wait and seek God in the midst of pain and struggle, knowing that He is sitting right there with us. So, what is He teaching us through pain, through struggle, through anxiety? He uses everything. 

Romans 8:28

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose."

    Another thing that I have relearned in this time of wrestling is the importance of staying focused on God. I spiral so quickly when I am looking at myself and everything that I think I'm not doing right. How quickly I forget who saved me, and whom I serve. I place myself at the center, thinking only of myself. However, I have noticed a night and day difference when I instead place my focus on God. When truly focused on something everything else fades into the background. When truly focused on God, His indescribable glory, and majesty, His mercy, and His love. Everything else fades into the background. When we are worshipping God as we were created to do, everything else, every worry, every fear, every single thing good or bad will take proper priority in the background. We were given breath in our lungs to praise the Almighty God, Creator of Heaven and earth, the past, present, and everything that is to come. When we are fulfilling our purpose, as human beings, placing the focus on the One who deserves all glory, honor, and praise it becomes easier to breathe. When I focus on myself and think that I have to get my life together, put on a good show, and do all of the things I panic. Naturally, because that is not what I have been created for. 

Isaiah 43:7

"Everyone who is called by my name, whom I created for my glory, whom I formed and made."

Psalm 95:6

"Oh come, let us worship and bow down; let us kneel before the LORD, our Maker!"

Philippians 2:9-11

"Therefore God has highly exalted him and bestowed on him the name that is above every name, so that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow, in heaven and on the earth and under the earth, and every tongue confess that Jesus Christ is Lord, to the glory of God the Father."

    This has not been the easiest post to write, I still very much struggle, and am learning how to put into practice everything that God is showing me. God is thankfully patient and consistent, with my struggles and inconsistency. 

    So, be encouraged. God is very much still working and still moving. Through everything that you have gone through, and everything you have yet to face, God is in control and uses everything for our good and His glory.