Where is Hope? The Day of Waiting

 This is the continuation of my Easter season series. 



I awake from my fitful sleep the next morning, Sabbath morning. 

A thick blanket of fog hovers in the air. Soldiers stand guard over the tomb. They came and sealed the cave. Because Jesus said that He would arise in three days, so they did not want one of His followers to come take His body and say that He had risen. 

The world is silent. People are in their homes preparing for Sabbath. Many of us who have been saved are hiding. Hiding in fear and sadness. I would be hiding away, safe from the soldiers but I keep hearing His voice. "Go to a place called Joseph's Tomb and wait there for three days. Remember, True Love never dies. Go now!" Over and over again. 

True Love never dies... Did He know what was going to happen? My tears continued falling. I wanted to scream but I dared not with the soldiers in front of the tomb. I was underneath some trees beside the tomb, they didn't know that I was there. 

One of them turned his head and I recognized his profile. The soldier who scarred my face yesterday. I sunk down to the ground and pressed my back against the trunk of the tree. 

I cried as much as I dared. Who would protect me now? When I was with Jesus I never feared darkness because I was always with the Flame of Light that casts away darkness. 

And now? Darkness threatened to overtake me once more. It crowded the edges of my vision, taunting me in my grief. Fear is constantly threatening to engulf me.

I close my eyes and lean my head against the tree. Just as my breathing becomes more normal the sound of chains rattling fills my head. My eyes fly open, darkness presses in at the edges of my vision. My breathing grows panicked. I can't go back to that!! I can't!! But I can't fight this on my own! Oh where is Hope? Where is Hope? He said He would protect me! Where is He? Was I to know the Flame of Light only to see Him die? I can't battle darkness by myself. Why did He let this happen? Why didn't He stop it?

I stand up to walk around slowly and to try to distract myself from the pressing darkness. 

It followed me. Rest was taken from me. When I had walked far enough from the tomb I fell to my knees and wept as loudly as I dared. 

I remembered saying that we must always submit to darkness. Is it true? Would He come back? Or has even He been overcome by darkness? Is the darkness so strong that it overwhelms the Flame of Light?    The grief was overwhelming. I did not eat or drink all day but sat a distance away from the cave alone, battling the fear and darkness.

The day passed on with unequalled slowness, the pain of a heavy heart grew by the hour. Finally the sun was setting. I walked numbly over to the tree closest to the tomb and sat down at it's base once more. My emotions had gone from inexpressible grief to a dazed numbness. 

Though it pained me every time I thought it, even now tears flow from my eyes, I have to face the fact that He is not coming back. It tore my heart but I can't wait much longer. The darkness is only increasing and... I cannot go back to that. It was not even life, for what is life without the Flame of Light? It is only survival in the darkness, when there is life and Light to thrive in beyond the darkness, not just to survive. Or there was anyway. Now though it seems impossible, the beautiful dream has ended. Will darkness always be the reality? I could not go back to that. 

I leaned my head against the tree and cried. I cried for all the beauty that had been, and all the Hope those of us who had been saved had for the future. Gone. Just to be memories, and dreams. Their reality washed away in a stream of His blood and our tears. 

I clenched my fists, and tried to steady my breathing to slow my tears. Tomorrow morning, the... the third day. I couldn't wait any longer. Darkness would try to take me back. I would die tomorrow and be finished with pain. Life apart from Light is nonexistent.       

So, tomorrow all this grief, all the painfully stabbing memories would be gone, and then I too would become a memory. I pressed in closer to the tree wiping away the tears on my face. Oh, everything ached. Then finally my exhausted brain and body fell fitfully asleep.

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