Growing pains

I said in my last post I would talk more about the absolute miracle that the church I'm going to is. Now is that time! 

However first I would like to share something that I wrote a year or so ago that ties into what I want to talk about. 

This section I entitled "Faith Like Job"

What should one do when everything is taken away? Or even when something precious is taken away? Should we pause life so that we can cry it all out? Should we be angry at God for taking it away from us? Should we turn our backs on life all together? 

While we need to mourn, it’s important, it’s healing. We shouldn’t hit the pause button on life only to push play again someday and realize how much we’ve missed out on. 

The most important question I think we should be asking God in these times is, what are you doing in this? How is it apart of your plan? However not asked in anger but curiosity and wonder. Everything is apart of God’s plan. 

Maybe it’s hard to look up and ask with wonder. In life sometimes every day there are things, events that were not in the plan, that cause us to raise our heads with tear filled eyes and shake our fists. Tests of faith come out of the blue testing the already precarious walkway beneath us. 

Things like being hit by a car while crossing the street and having to go back to America days sooner than I expected. Things like staying in America longer than I ever dreamed possible. Things like having a Brachial Plexus Injury in my dominant hand/arm. Things like having three surgeries and discovering that I might have at least two more. Things like after living in America for over a year going back to my home country to say goodbye and pack up the house. Things like coming back to America to live, I use to swear that it would never happen to me and that moving to America to live was my worst nightmare. I used to count down the days on furloughs till I could go back home. Things like watching my country disappear in a sea of clouds through a tiny plane window, my mind screaming, “Please take me back. Please! Please! Just take me back! I don’t want to leave… it’s my home!” while silent tears slid down my face. Leaving my country was worse than being hit by a car. Physical pain will dull and fade eventually but emotional pain tears me up. 

So, what should I do when all the sudden the complete unforeseen happens and I’m living out my “worst nightmare” and without my right hand? What could I do? I praise God that He has put in me strong trust in Him from the beginning of the accident. I know that He has saved me for a purpose. He could have taken me home to heaven right then and there. I would have gotten to see Him face to face, to praise Him before His throne with the angels and His children. Oh, the glory and splendor! Yet, He allowed me to wake up. To wake up beside the road, in the car, in the hospital, in the next hospital, in the taxi, and at home, in pain and confusion. He has allowed me to go through pain that I’ve never known nor imagined before. Why? Why did He not just spare me from suffering? Why did He not just bring me home to be in His presence unhindered from then on, eternally? Why did He leave me here to go through intense pain, immobilize my right hand and arm, and ultimately take me away from my home country to live in a strange country? 

But then why did He take Abram and Sarai away from their home? Why did He allow everything to be stripped away from Job? Why did He send Jesus away from His home and cause Him to suffer? Why did the disciples have to suffer the way they did? Is this mercy or goodness? 

Here is why. The Lord Almighty created the future. He knows the plan, all of it, He created the plan. We only see the current, what’s going on right now. That’s all we see, and the little bit that we see is covered up in the dust of this world. Distractions, fears, and doubts. We just see what we’re going through in the moment. Sweat, blood, and tears. We see our current and past sufferings and we doubt. We shake our fists at God and ask why? But we can’t see the future. We can’t see how God is using every single thing for our good and His glory. Because God has a bigger plan than just right now. (Isn’t that a relief?) 

Therefore, I continue to trust Him and turn the situations over to Him in surrender. Because He has the plan, not me. He loves me, He saved me again in the accident and brought me to America for a reason. I still struggle with being in America. For some reason it’s much easier to trust Him with my arm than it is to trust Him about being here. With my arm I trust that His plans are good for me, whether I get my right arm back completely or not I know that He is in control. I need to keep remembering that for the change of cultures. His plans are good. He is a good God. He sees everything, how each step fits in to the path for the future. He is worthy of our trust. 

........

One very raw and real part of that piece that I want to focus on is the part about moving to America. The way I described how I felt about that was strong, but true for the time. 

Looking back on that after some time has gone by I shake my head in awe at how good God is to me. I have not been completely faithful to Him, and still His Love remains unconditional. 

I was raised overseas and I loved it. Sierra Leone is a home for me. I felt comfortable there, I have family there, I understood most of the culture, and I speak the trade language. 

My previous experiences of America had been constant culture shock, among other things that just made me want to go home where things were easier and just made more sense.

So moving here was not on my bucket list, but neither was being hit by a car, and God has used that experience mightily. 

Transitioning, adjusting to different cultures, countries, and traditions, is hard! Goodbyes and even hellos are hard! I've said goodbye more times in my life then I care to count. 

When we moved to Illinois, also far from my bucket list, I was not too happy. I had to face the facts though. So, when facing the facts I put on my survival mindset. God told me to be open to what He had for me here but I didn't take to that too much. I guess complaining was more appealing. I never expected Him to do anything big. I pretty much thought that He only did big things where I was comfortable, back home in Sierra Leone. How limiting! To think that God can only work within human comfort zones and perimeters. When this was my mindset I was only robbing myself of the opportunity to see more of the fullness of God and be open to how easily He can blow our minds. 

Just because I wasn't open to Him blowing my mind definitely does not mean that He didn't do it. He definitely blew my mind and I know that He will again. 

With our latest move here are the things I have learned.

    * God does not work only within human comfort zones or human understanding.

    * Home and community is provided by God because He is the Creator of them. Home is not limited to a house, a neighborhood, or even a country. Community can be found anywhere. Even in a culture that is individualistically focused.   

    * Even when I am where I don't want to be, even when I feel as though I am out of  control, God is never out of control. He will never leave me alone, He will never fail me. (Deuteronomy 31:6) 

God brought us to this house and to this community. There is a group of house churches in this neighborhood. They welcomed us immediately. They live their lives by the truth that if God is our Father then we as Christians, Sons and Daughters of God, are family. As Children of God we are the Church, not a building but the people. We are called to speak the Truth of the Gospel into each other and to the world. We are all called on mission, whether it be overseas or in our neighborhoods. (Matthew 28:16-20) We're to live intentionally, because we were not put on this earth just to live for ourselves. We have been given a mission! We live with purpose. 

So, needless to say this community is amazing. I never even dreamed we would find community here. I didn't really expect or want to put down roots here. 

But God

In His unfathomable mercy and goodness doesn't listen to me and my plans and bucket lists. 

He answered the prayer I never even dreamed I could pray. He is bringing me to places that I thought were a desert but He opened my eyes and is leading me through His healing Oasis. 

One lesson that I am learning is, don't underestimate God, His plans for you are beyond your wildest dreams. 

Take Hope